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An Honest Letter

It’s fast approaching December and finally 2020 will be on the way out. We’re pretty sure for most, 2020 has been a hellish year. It has for us in many respects, but weirdly without all this time at home, we would never have been able to provide Little Man with so much family time. The original plan was for James to be at home for a month or so and then to return to work. However, Corona had other ideas. So for all the bad that this year has seen - it’s given us many highs too.

For those that have read our last blog, we have started the last phase of the adoption by legally applying to become Little Man’s parents. Nothing much has happened there, but with much of the country under lockdown until early December, we don’t envisage things will progress much before the Spring. We shall see.

As many parents have told us, there are always highs and lows when it comes to parenting. You’ll crack one thing and then another issue makes itself known! We recently found ourselves in a bit of a slump. We’re approaching five months since Little Man arrived and what a journey that time has been. I personally struggled on some days - with a mixture of emotions and tiredness, some days became really challenging. As I often do, I found myself opening my laptop to write an honest letter to myself - so I hope that this helps and that we all go through moments where we struggle - that’s totally OK.

"Today has been a challenge. In actual fact the last few days have. Today hasn’t been a good day. I like to think that I am a person that can juggle things well and to be quite adaptable, but I don’t know, something over the last few days hasn’t felt right. Little Man has been going through a period where his sleep has been a little disturbed and as such, the days can be difficult. It would seem the ‘honeymoon’ period is over, he is well and truly settled, and now just like most children his age, he is seeing what the boundaries are.

We can have weeks and days where we glide through each day having a great time. The next day can be a surprise with a totally different day to that of the day before. It has made me reflect on my own childhood and to recall how I was. I didn’t have any awareness of how my parents felt and how exhausting being a parent is. I wouldn’t change anything, but it’s the biggest change we have faced.

We’re doing things as a family that I once used to do or experience as a child, so re-visiting those moments as a parent, watching Little Man’s face light up is just perfect. As a child your world feels huge. Now as an adult living more than two decades on, we are responsible for our son. We shape him and his future.

Today has been one of those days that has taken every ounce of my energy. I know this feeling and time will pass, and something else will come along to consume my thoughts and days - but I don’t see all the above as a negative.

I see it all as a positive. It makes me human, it shapes me a parent and it’s OK to talk openly about how life really is. I personally believe it's important to acknowledge days and moments such as these so we know it’s OK to feel that way. Go easy on yourself.”

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